Fear is Forgetting Who You Are

I have never really known what fear means. As a child I felt fear when doing something wrong or out of my comfort zone. As a teen I felt fear in driving. Mainly because I seemed to always end up smashed into trees or scraping fire hydrants. As a young adult (if my age can confirm this status) I fear many, many things. 

Just last night, talking to my mom before our 10 o'clock bed time, we discussed my lack of a social life. Unstated in my "What to do in Your 20's" handbook are the rules to mingling with others your age. You can understand my shock at the lack of pages seeing this book isn't even used...

So there my mom sat, explaining how all the other 20-year-olds with jobs go out. My rebuttal was clear and crisp "They don't have to worry about making a career for themselves, they have a stable job." She said that was fair, but I should really get out of the house more. I mean, some times I go to the store or a meeting, does this not count?

At the moment of impact I thought nothing of the comment. It wasn't until later when the word WORRY began to swell in my head. Do I really worry about my choice to chase over-the-top dreams? Am I actually crippling myself from having a real life? Was I going to die a lonely spinster with not as much as a cat fetish (cats hate me)?

It is true, I do fear some of my choice. I see the people around me getting their first car and their own apartments while I sit on student loan debt and a dream to travel the world creating things that change my generations mindset. And that is when I realized, I do not fear my future, I fear the things society wants me to do. 

Sure, it is a lot of fun going out and having a few drinks. But while people are doing that I'm writing a book and tossing around ideas for a clothing line. Yes, these things might not ever amount to anything, but what if they do? I have to be true to myself and at least try. 

That is the thing with fear. It so often takes on the face of confusion. It is there to test your feelings and trick you into things not true to yourself. Sure, it might be scary to stop doing something you know for something you know nothing about. But wouldn't it be the best feeling in the world to say you fought fear and came out alive on the other end?