Before I die

If Mr. Palahniuk is correct, and the goal is to find that niche of greatness we each encompass, then how do I find mine? Time after time it seems the perfect idea reveals itself from underneath the ever mounting pile of bad indulgence.

Once upon a time I was the most aspiring broadcast journalist to walk amongst the crowd of other aspiring broadcast journalist. Then one day I woke up. Shocker, the world of TV news was not all it initially seemed cracked up to be.

Then there was the ever thoughtful moment of being a blogger. But frequently refreshing the page to see a now horrifically low number of likes, only to laps and give the talented bloggetts just one more view, is not rewarding as I once thought.

And my book deal, why can't it write and publish itself? Doesn't everyone in the world want to know how tragic my nonchalant world is?

Years ago as my fingers were rubbing raw from filming various class interviews and creating weekend packages for a local news station I would have though to myself in a mocking manor "This is what they don't teach you in school."

But perhaps that is just it. They don't teach you how to stumble into greatness because there is no way to do that. You Don't pass or fail at life. You struggle. You push yourself and you punish yourself until there is nothing left. Then you do it just a little more. You jump into opportunities that might send you up in flames, or they might be the one that changes it all. You cry, a lot. And have moments where nothing sounds better than giving up.

In school they show you how to be persistent with assignments, and then with the professors when you don't complete said assignments. In internships you are taught how to do a lot of work for little recognition, then decide working for yourself is way more rewarding (and accumulates the same amount of pay as said unpaid internships). It is in this combination that you have to find what truly works.

I still haven't found it. I still strive every day to make my mark on this world. With persistence on my mind and a back pocket chock full of bad ideas my search continues. The only thing that seems consistently real is that those who take the risk, and those who don't sacrifice their dreams for the real things like money and security. Those people, they go somewhere. They have too. If we can't believe that greatness grows in the most un expecting places then what can we believe?